I’m ready to let it go. I’m tired of examining the old story, the mistakes, the sins, the absolutely idiotic choices I’ve made. I’m sick of trying to figure out how they happened or why I did them or why other people did what they did.
For whatever reason, I seemed hell-bent on making self-destructive choices … like a runaway freight train barreling over a cliff with no mechanism to stop the inevitable. Perceiving myself as the cautious, level-headed “good girl” for most of my life, I have been unable to comprehend how those poor choices were actually made by me.
As I reflect upon my state of mind and remember the people involved, I can actually see good things that came through those relationships — good times, fun memories, invaluable lessons, priceless gifts that I’ve taken into my current life and relationships.
A Controversial Perspective
These experiences seem absolutely crucial to my development and to taking me to where I am now. My brain hasn’t been able to reconcile how something beautiful and necessary could only come from such stupid mistakes. But it did. Additionally, had I not experienced the bitter, I wouldn’t be so grateful in savoring the sweet.
I know it’s not a popular stance among Christians – especially not among those of my faith – to believe there is actually something beautiful to be found through sin. But I believe God can make something beautiful from our sins and mistakes. I’m not advocating sinning for the experience, but I am saying there is something valuable in the experience when it does happen.
All These Things Will Give You Experience
God put us here to gain experience – knowing full well we’d mess up. Somehow in the grand scheme of things, us having these mortal experiences was worth it. It was worth the Father sending His Only Begotten Son to suffer mind and body, bleed at every pore, and die on a wooden cross.
There are wonderful lessons and beautiful outcomes that came to me from stupid, stupid choices. I’m not certain I could have arrived at them in any other way.
Then again, God can do anything. I’m sure if I’d been more faithful, stronger, more resilient I could have gained these valuable insights in a righteous way. Yes, it would have been wonderful (and immensely less painful) if I could have just been smart and learned by observation or by reading scriptures or books, but I did the best I could at the time. With the runaway train careening toward the cliff, I made the choices that I felt compelled to make.
Spencer W. Kimball once said,
“Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner. This permitted him to condemn the sin without condemning the individual.”
I have come to believe that (for me at least), the runaway train moments were an indication of a deep unmet need that DEMANDED to be addressed. Like an infection beneath the surface of the skin, it erupted to seek acknowledgement and healing. The runaway train was my true self screaming, “You will not ignore this wound any longer. I need help! And come hell or high water, I’m going to get it!”
So as I look back on the past, I frankly forgive myself and anyone else involved – those who came into my life to facilitate healing through our relationship dynamic.
In the past, I have viewed sin as a slap in Jesus’ face. He paid the price for my sins. His precious blood paid the penalty for what I’ve done. To add to that with more sin seems so cruel. When he said, “If you love me, keep my commandments” that’s probably what he meant! “If you love me, you won’t make me suffer any more.”
Having said that, I also believe that He has forgiven me for what I’ve done. He forgave me over 2,000 years ago!
I hear Him saying, “It’s okay, Marnie. You are worth it. The penalty I’ve paid is worth the opportunity for you to find healing and to claim the treasures lying within the experiences of mortality.”
“Let it be,” He says. “It all happened as it needed to. The important thing is you repented and you’re Mine.”
About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns
Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.
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