own your own power... say no

Is Your Inability to Say No Making You Sick, Tired or Broke?

One of the hardest things for many women to do is to say no. As wives, mothers and friends, we live much of our lives as caregivers. As a result, we begin to think other people’s wishes must take precedence over our own.

We’ve often heard that we need to say “No” more. If we don’t, we’ll end up sick, tired, or broke because we aren’t taking care of ourselves. But it goes beyond the usual self-care advice. I’d like to explore how being sick, tired or broke is actually serving you on some level and what you can do about it.

As Long As You Have a Good Excuse

Many people take on projects and tasks that are out of alignment with who they are and what they are here to do because they don’t know how to say, “No.” Many of us take on too much and wear ourselves out, sacrificing our health and peace of mind on the altar of having to say “Yes” to more than we can adequately manage.

When that becomes more than we can bear, we shift to excuses-making. After all, you need a good excuse to say, “No” – right? Most of us feel we do. If we don’t have a “good enough excuse,” there’s guilt.  Guilt can be so uncomfortable our minds search for a way out.

Growing up, if I or one of my siblings made an excuse for why we couldn’t do something, my dad would say, “Well, as long as you have a good excuse.”

He wanted us to understand that we were making excuses. We were searching for a way out. He wanted us to be aware we were only fooling ourselves with our excuses. Did we really need the excuse?

Often, people who have a hard time saying “No” end up in these types of situations:

Leading incredibly busy lives which become unbalanced. Busy-ness becomes the excuse that justifies why we can’t do one more thing.

For many years, I was a workaholic. I used my busy-ness as a badge of honor. I derived my value from my busy-ness. It also gave me an excuse to get out of doing things I didn’t want to do. I was too chicken to say, “No,” so I just stayed busy with things I’d rather be doing.

Becoming sick. Bodies often become sick in order to give us a guilt-free excuse to say, “No.” I’ve worked with several clients who discovered that their illnesses were actually serving them. Being sick gave them an excuse to decline other people’s demands or to get out of doing things they were scared to do. These were real, legitimate illnesses, certainly not in their minds, but their bodies were trying to speak to them and get their attention through dis-ease.

This is especially common when there are other people in one’s life who will not take “No” for an answer. People who are prone to manipulating, guilt-tripping, and nagging often make others feel trapped. The person who is being manipulated actually becomes sick because there seems to be no other viable “excuse” that the manipulator will accept.

Of course, there are a myriad of reasons for illnesses. This is just one to consider.

Having money problems. If you have money problems, you can use, “I have to work” or “I don’t have the money for that” as excuses not to do what you are too afraid, lazy or scared to do.

For example, it might be that you don’t know how to say “No” to your children, and you’re afraid of spoiling them if you buy them too much. Your subconscious mind might work around those tough conversations and boundary-setting by making sure you have little spending money.

Who Owns Your Power?

Bottom line, the root issue is that we are abdicating our personal power to other people. When we get tired of abdicating our power to other people, we shift to advocating it to the excuse.  The excuse takes over our lives. We become overwhelmed, sick or money-strapped.

The solution is simple… we take back responsibility for our own choices. We understand that we are the creators of our own lives. Each person has the freedom to choose how he or she will spend time, money, resources and energy. We have a God-given right to do that, and we owe no one an excuse.

Our wishes, feelings, and needs are every bit as important as anyone else’s. If you do not take care of yourself, certainly no one else will.

The Price You Pay for Excuses

When you give over your power to the excuse, you can’t do what you are on this planet to do. Your energy, health, time and money is sucked down the black hole of the excuse. There’s nothing left for your divine purpose.  On top of that, you’re miserable.

Have an Honest Conversation with Yourself

If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, I recommend the following activity.

Obviously, these challenges are very real for you. You probably didn’t even know why they were happening until now. It’s not like you consciously set out to make yourself sick or miserable. But there is some self-preserving part of you that is trying to protect you. It’s time to have a conversation with that part of yourself. Here are the steps for doing that.

First, admit that you are using health challenges, busyness, or money issues as an excuse to get out of what you don’t want to do. Really absorb and see that you are doing this. What are you trying to get out of?  Why are you trying to get out of it? Are you afraid? Are you scared to have tough conversations with others? Do you have inaccurate beliefs about what is possible for you?

Second, thank the part of yourself that has been trying to rescue you. Thank it for the health, money or busyness issues.  There is a part of you that is trying to help you say, “No.” Thank this part of yourself that understands you haven’t been setting clear boundaries with yourself and others. Ask it to forgive you for not taking better care of yourself and not standing in your power.

Tell it that you forgive it for making you tired, sick and/or broke and that you understand now that it was trying to protect you. Thank it for getting your attention and bringing you to the point where you have the courage to own your own power.

Third, commit to growing a spine and saying “No” without guilt, without excuse. If you don’t want to do something, you have every right to say “No”… And you don’t owe a soul an explanation why.

Fourth, make a commitment to honor yourself and set clear boundaries about what you will and won’t do.

Fifth, strike a deal with yourself. Continue the conversation with your self-preserving side. Work out a win-win solution.

You might say something like this,

“Thank you for giving me health challenges so that I would have a guilt-free excuse to say ‘No’ to things I didn’t want to do or that felt unsafe. I appreciate you trying to protect me. Please forgive me for not setting and honoring clear boundaries with myself and others.

I now see that I don’t need to be sick anymore just to have an excuse. I have a right to say ‘No.’ From now on, I’m going to stand up for myself. Thank you for the health issues. Obviously, I don’t need them anymore because I hereby commit to set clear boundaries and honor and value myself by sticking to them. Thank you. Let’s please work together toward a healthier, better way of living.”

Sixth, clean out any victim energy, past trauma, unhealthy habits, or unproductive guilt using energy techniques. Personally, I use the SimplyHealed Method™ to quickly and painlessly get down to root issues and release them. I’ve used these techniques since 2011, with both myself and my clients. It’s powerful in bringing you peace, hope and the courage to take control of your own life. (Learn more here.)

Remember: Change is good! And it’s okay to ask for help. As you do these steps and as you take care of yourself, you’ll begin to create a more abundant life. You’ll begin to realize your full potential.

Featured Image Copyright: Tuzenko / BigStockPhoto.com

About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

Busting the Worthiness Myth

One of the most common issues that come up for my energy therapy clients are feelings of unworthiness. Many of us feel unworthy of the abundance, blessings and desires of our hearts. Because we feel unworthy, we actually block our ability to receive good things.

Perhaps the reason why almost everyone feels unworthy is because while others do not hear our innermost thoughts or see our private actions, we do. We know our own flaws. We are intimately acquainted with our weaknesses and imperfections. Many keep a running list of all the mistakes they’ve made.

The thing is… EVERYONE is imperfect, weak and makes mistakes. I don’t care if you take the most perfect person you’ve ever met, that person still has his or her flaws. They have some skeleton they’d rather not let out of the closet. If we all waited around to be perfect until we were worthy to step up and do what we’re here to do, nothing would get done.

Yet we let feelings of unworthiness keep us from…

  • Calling upon God for help.
  • Believing that we’ll get help with our financial situations, relationships, careers, etc.
  • Stepping out and doing what we feel we’re here to do.

you are worthy quote brene brownYou are worthy. You’re a child of God. It’s one of the most insidious lies that has ever been fed to humanity that you aren’t worthy of His provision, that you are not worthy of His love, or that you are unworthy of His ear or His aid.

If you feel like you have areas you could improve and you have no idea how you’d ever be able to do so, a desire for the desire is enough. Tell God you’d like to have a greater desire to “do the right thing” in that area. He will help you. He won’t condemn you.

Come to Him, be honest with Him … even about your feelings of frustration and lack of trust in Him. Be honest with Him about the areas of your life that are out of alignment with His laws. Tell Him how hard it is for you to change or act differently. Ask for His help (even if there’s a part of you that doesn’t want it). He will not fail you.

You may not instantaneously develop willpower of steel or perfect thoughts and actions, but He will guide you toward better, more balanced choices. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small improvements.

I believe one of the keys to improving ourselves and our situations is understanding we are worthy to pray and get answers. We’re worthy to receive and expect God’s help. He isn’t punishing you for your bad choices. What is BLOCKING good things from coming to you is your inability to receive because you’ve cut yourself off from Him through feelings of unworthiness.

If you question your worthiness, try acting as if you are worthy. You will be amazed at how your choices improve and how things start to flow toward you.

Affirmations that may be helpful:

  • I am a child of God and worthy of His love, belonging and aid.
  • I am worthy and deserving of God’s abundance.
  • I am worthy and deserving to receive God’s help with my (financial situation, relationships, children, career, business, etc.)
  • I call upon God and He hears and answers me.
  • I release guilt and shame over past mistakes.
  • I learn from my mistakes, and they make me a better person.
  • I forgive myself for any choices that have been less than ideal.
  • I trust God to guide me in making optimal choices.
  • I am open to hearing God’s voice.
  • I am worthy and deserving of God answering my prayers.
  • God is always opening doors that lead me to better places. I am open to seeing and walking through them.

My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

Entrepreneurship Declining and What It Means

Did you know that there has been a sharp decline in entrepreneurial-ism in the last decade? A recent study by Brookings Institution shows that America, which has long been an entrepreneurial nation, is losing its entrepreneurs.

Why should this matter to you and me? Anyone who has worked in or for a large corporation knows how long it takes to make decisions, to take advantage of market trends, adapt and implement. I’ve often compared them to elephants trying to turn on a dime. They simply do not have the flexibility of small businesses.

Small Businesses Are
The Petri Dish of Innovation

Entrepreneurs, on the other hand, are

  • Fast-acting,
  • adaptable,
  • cutting edge, and
  • innovative


  • Create manufacturing opportunities,
  • foster industry, and
  • employ much of the middle class

Look at the major innovators: Bell, Tesla, Edison, Gates and Jobs. They all started small in their garages or small shops. Innovation rarely comes from large corporations. It comes in the petri dish of entrepreneurship.

Entrepreneurship Fosters Freedom

In his book, FreedomShift : 3 Choices to Reclaim America’s Destiny, Oliver DeMille talks about the three things that could keep the United States free. The first is entrepreneurship. Many of the Founding Fathers (Jefferson, Franklin, Adams, Hancock, etc.) were entrepreneurs.

Entrepreneurs were the innovative, forward thinking individuals who had the courage to create an entirely new paradigm of government. The U.S. Constitution made our country the free nation that it is; and it was through the inspiration of brave entrepreneurs that we enjoy our freedoms today.

Why Is Entrepreneurship Declining?

Yet, entrepreneurship is declining, but why? According to the Brookings Institution report,

Our findings stop short of demonstrating why these trends are occurring and perhaps more importantly, what can be done about it. Doing so requires a more complete knowledge about what drives dynamism, and especially entrepreneurship, than currently exists. But it is clear that these trends fit into a larger narrative of business consolidation occurring in the U.S. economy—whatever the reason, older and larger businesses are doing better relative to younger and smaller ones. Firms and individuals appear to be more risk averse too—businesses are hanging on to cash, fewer people are launching firms, and workers are less likely to switch jobs or move.”

The economic downturn certainly has not contributed to people being willing to take risks. Also, it’s interesting to note that the middle class is also dying (See NY Times article on this subject).

The middle class-entrepreneurship question is sort of a “chicken and the egg” situation. Is the death of entrepreneurship killing off the middle class? Or is it the death of the middle class that’s eroding entrepreneurship? It definitely takes money to start, market and grow a business. If you’re at poverty level, you’re going to have a tougher time being an entrepreneur. And many entrepreneurs who have been hit hard by the economy, have been forced to close their doors.

Entrepreneurs discover soon enough that not only do they have operating expenses, but also they are slammed with self-employment taxes, federal taxes and insurance expenses that the average 9-to-5’er will never see.

The economic climate is not friendly to entrepreneurs, and it’s not friendly to the middle class. You kill one and you kill the other.

Brookings Institute Report Graph

Brookings Institute Report Graph

Commenting on the Brookings Institute Report, Jean Card wrote in US News and World Report,

American entrepreneurship is at its lowest point in 30 years, and the decline since 2009 has been precipitous… I don’t think you need to be an economist to find the study’s chart overlaying the trend lines of business start-ups and business closures (with the “good” news going down and the “bad” news going up, to the point where they actually, gasp, pass each other in opposite directions) to be grab-your-chest scary. I think you only need to be an American who appreciates the fact that this nation has been, historically, economically strong because of vibrant entrepreneurship.”

My friend Daniel DeCoopman and I were discussing this phenomenon the other day. He said something I think is important.

Entrepreneurs are the lookouts, the purveyors of the future. They stand at a place unobstructed by barriers” (or at least they used to). “They can see the horizon and bring forward technology. Without this market segment, we greatly impede our ability to perform and compete in the global economy. Entrepreneurship is the creative part of our culture, yet it’s no longer being valued.”

And we will pay the price…


About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

The one partnership you may be missing

Guest post by Shannon Cherry

You know about JV (joint venture) partnerships. And I am sure you know about affiliate partnerships. But there’s one partnership you may be forgetting – and it’s costing you thousands of dollars.

It’s Sponsorship Partnerships.

Most people think sponsorships are for nonprofits or ‘big name’ sports stars.

But this is simply not true! Sponsors are looking for people to partner with at all levels to help promote their products and brands. Why?  Companies know that sponsorships allow them to reach a particular target market in a way that advertising cannot… through someone they know like and trust – YOU!

And sponsorships can really benefit you, too.

Sponsorships can pay the bills and give you money to spare! And they can boost your image as well as your bottom line. Sponsorships are a great publicity and promotion technique for your business. They can increase your credibility and visibility, while building customer confidence AND help you find even more people and companies to partner with.

Every year, corporations spend millions of dollars on sponsorship marketing and event sponsorships. Unfortunately, many don’t have a clue about how to approach a potential sponsor, prepare the information needed, and persuade a sponsor to join them in a mutually beneficial project.

So how can you create sponsorship partnerships?

You need to realize that sponsorship is a business deal like any other partnership, not a donation or hand-out.

Sponsorships won’t work if you are just saying, “Gimme” like one of my 7-year old twins. (At least they say please and thank you now!) You need to find sponsors who will make a good partnership because the sponsorship will provide something of value for both you and the company.

You also need to know that you need to be offering a good marketing investment to the corporate sponsor. Sponsors want to exploit the commercial opportunities associated with an event or organization.

It is as simple as that, but perhaps the hardest to grasp:  the key to creating a sponsorship partnership is just like any other partnership. You need to show the true value in the partnership in order to be successful.

Shannon Chery - sponsorship partnershipsAbout the author:
Shannon Cherry, a business and marketing pro with more than two decades of experience, helps you to make more money in your business without adding more time.

She founded her business, ShannonCherry.com, in 2002 to help helped experienced and ambitious entrepreneurs grow the business they desire– without compromising on their principles. Her focus is to provide laser-targeted solutions to get fast results, including Sponsorship Made Simple program, which helps coaches and consultants get sponsors.

Shannon’s business has been debt-free since its inception and she consistently works only 20 hours per week to spend more time with her family in the capital of New York.

Break Through to Financial Freedom

You’re ready to make a difference, to leave a legacy, but what if finances are getting in the way? Frankly, it does take money to make things happen in this world. Even Mother Theresa had access to money through those who believed in what she was doing.

You’re probably familiar with the Law of Attraction by now. Perhaps you saw “The Secret.” The idea behind the Law of Attraction is that whatever you firmly believe in your subconscious mind affects your energy and the choices you make. The frequency at which your energy is vibrating and the actions you take in consequence determine your outcomes and draw to you things, people and circumstances that resonate.

Most of us have things going on at a subconscious level that we don’t even realize. For example, if we grew up in homes where our parents were in debt, we may have a subconscious belief that debt is a part of life. Because we resonate with this belief, we act in ways that support that and draw to us the circumstances that affirm it as “truth.” It isn’t ultimate truth, but it may as well be truth for us.

With traditional Law of Attraction, you change your outcomes by reprogramming your subconscious mind. You feed it tons of positive affirmations and visualizations until it sinks down and starts adjusting your beliefs (and your energetic vibration).

In our financial example, we might repeat affirmations like:

  • I am financially free.
  • I pay cash for everything I buy.

We might visualize ourselves paying cash for a car or a house.

It takes a great deal of determination, will-power and thought-control to keep re-affirming and visualizing these things — especially if we have debt collectors calling.

What if you could bypass the subconscious mind and get right down to the frequency of the energy you’re vibrating? What if you could flip a switch and resonate at the frequency of financial abundance? What if you could instantly release false beliefs about money that have been hanging you up for years? It makes sense that positive results would show up faster – right?

What if I told you this is possible? Does that pique your curiosity? I know it did mine! Your scarcity beliefs can be removed and you can resonate at the frequency of abundance without spending months or even years repeating affirmations and visualizations. They can be transformed in less than an hour!

Imagine it! All the old generational programs passed down through cellular memories could also be removed. Find out how at Raise Your Abundance Quotient here.

About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.