letting love lead

Letting Love Lead the Way

I think more than anything, the people in our lives need us to be a safe place to go for a listening ear, a shoulder, a sounding board. Having a successful relationship means letting love lead. People don’t need us to be one more person condemning them or telling them they did something stupid. Most of us do quite well guilt-tripping ourselves.

People need us to believe in their ability to change, to do better, and to reach their potential. They need us to remind them of the good that is in them. They need us to remind them that God loves them, is on their side and has already paid the price to redeem them if they will just accept it and come to Him.

Letting Love Lead Doesn’t Mean Being a Doormat

In saying this, I’m not saying we must continue to associate with someone whose actions constantly undermine our peace. There may come a time when you will feel led to part ways with some people.

Even if someone is past feeling, refuses to change, or we can’t safely be in their space any longer, we can still hold hope for them that maybe one day they will find their way back to Him.

Forgive, let them go,and trust that God will take care of them and find a way to reach them when they’re ready. Get on with your life and make the best of it.

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

if you could live your life over would you change anything

Would You Change Anything?

This morning I found a new song by Sara Bareilles. I often feel like Sara has written the soundtrack to my life. This song is no different, “She Used to Be Mine” may not feel like exactly where I am now, but I think it’s a great snapshot of some points along my path. Especially, in those times where I screwed up royally and longed for the girl or woman I used to be.

I’ve listened to this song several times today and had a conversation with my mom about it. (Love, my angel Mama, by the way.)

YouTube Preview Image

if you could live your life over would you change anythingWe’ve mused about whether we’d change things in our lives. Would we rewrite some endings for the girls we used to be?

Problem is, the big things that I’d want to change are like threads in a tapestry that gets mutilated when I extract them.

Remove my first marriage, and I might not have the children I have. Remove the crazy, stupid love-turned-to-heartbreak, and I wouldn’t have key wisdom and perspective that helped me fully appreciate and value the man who’s sharing the second half of my life.

The only thing I might change is I’d wait until I was older to marry. At 19, I didn’t even know who I was. My brain wasn’t even fully developed! I had no experience with men or love or hormones. I didn’t know that hormones could make you see people through a completely unrealistic lens. I didn’t know how much hormones distorted perceptions. I didn’t fully learn that lesson until I was 48 and single again.

Maybe if I’d taken my time when I was young, I would have matured and had enough experience to choose wisely. Then again, there’s the kids and my new hubby who loves me like I’ve never known love, and I think the price was worth paying.

Yet, there are plenty of small moments I’d like to change…

  • I would have spent more time enjoying my children.
  • Would have worried less over making money and relaxed and spent more time with my kids in their early years.
  • I would have handled some situations differently when my kids were struggling.

I think I could safely do those things without disturbing the timeline too incredibly much.

What about you? If you had your life to do over, would you change anything? And if you would, could you handle the ripples?

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

the savior complex

Suffering from the Savior Complex? Take the Quiz!

A lot of my clients suffer from the Savior Complex. They don’t realize it when they come to me, but after I tell them the symptoms, they say, “Oh, yeah, that’s me.”  If you have the Savior complex you’re probably overworked, overwhelmed and carrying a lot of stress. All of this gets in the way of you being able to be the brilliant light you were born to be.

If you’re curious if you have the Savior Complex, watch this video and take the free quiz…



So how did you do? Think you might have a touch of the Savior Complex? If so, join me for Breakthrough to Radiance! Let’s get you past it!

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

price of drama

Are You Paying a Price for Drama?

Drama and being with drama-creating individuals can exact a hefty price on our lives. My colleague Laura West had this to say about stirred up situations:

“It keeps you focused on the drama instead of moving forward & taking action.”

  • Drama creates stress
  • It sucks your mental and emotional bandwidth and kills creativity.
  • It keeps you from finding innovative solutions to your problems,
  • It makes you feel stuck, depressed, and confused.
  • It wastes time.
  • Being around drama dictators sabotages your confidence and keeps you second guessing yourself.
  • As Beth Tipper said, drama is “Emotional hijack.”

In this brief video I share a bit more about the price of drama.

Leave drama behind and Breakthrough to Radiance!

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

drama drama drama

Drama, Drama, Drama

Have you ever noticed themes crop up in your life? As I’ve been working with clients and interacting with other people this month there has been one reoccurring theme — Drama.

Drama, Drama, Drama.

You can blame it on the blood moon or that Mercury is in retrograde, but whatever it is, drama can be a common part of life at anytime. In fact, for many people it’s their normal.

In the following short video I talk about the 3 types of drama personalities and how they may be affecting your life.

Leave drama behind and Breakthrough to Radiance!

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

Greek Roman pottery

Quest for Love: A Masterpiece in the Making

Have you ever watched someone throw pottery? Sometimes things seem to be shaping up nicely and then the potter smashes it flat and starts over. The pottery rarely looks like a masterpiece along the way. If you were to stop mid-process you’d see flaws and misshapen pieces. Sometimes it looks absolutely nothing like the final product.

As we proceed through our lives I think we could benefit by seeing them through the Master Potter’s eyes. God is outside of space and time, He sees us as a finished product — a final masterpiece. He knows what’s being created, and He isn’t the least bit concerned about your screw-ups along the way.

Greek Roman potteryWe, on the other hand, see only flaws, mistakes, and strange shapes throughout the process. As we look at our own lives, circumstances, and other people it would be great if we could get in our minds’ eye a vision of the finished product.

I found this video of the pottery-making process. It’s mesmerizing to watch. Notice the video starts by showing you the finished product, then goes back and shows you how the artist created it. As we watch, we are fascinated by how he does it, but we aren’t the least bit concerned or confused about whether everything will turn out right in the end.

Unfortunately, in our own lives, we don’t always have that end picture in mind. We don’t know where God is going or what He’s creating. When we (or He) smashes our clay flat, we don’t always have the faith that He can still turn it into a masterpiece. But He can.

For us, it is an exercise in faith and trust to believe that no matter how badly flawed or messed-up our lives look, if we allow Him to be the Potter of our lives, a masterpiece WILL inevitably be created.

Along my Quest for Love, sometimes it looked like a pitiful misshapen ashtray. At one point, I felt as if my entire life was smashed flat into an unrecognizable heap. It’s amazing how quickly (in a matter of months) God took that formless heap and shaped a brand new beautiful love story. This process has taught me to look at every aspect of my life with more trust that somehow, in the end it’s all going to work out beautifully.

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

Chris and Marnie Marcus

Quest for Love: WOW Me!

As you may know, I was married Friday, September 4th to a wonderful man. You may have been following my story. If not, this link will take you to the beginning.

I want to share with you something significant I’ve observed from this personal journey and how it’s changing the way I think about my business and all aspects of my life.

Chris and Marnie MarcusI had gotten so frustrated with my romantic experiences, that I threw up my hands and said, “Lord, you pick. I obviously don’t know what is best for me. You pick the man you know would make me happy.”

I resigned myself to singledom and left it to God. The man God selected was Chris Marcus. In fact, God let me know Chris was a man who “would love me like I’d never been loved before.”

This answer came BEFORE my heart and mind fully got on board with the idea. It was TRUST in that confirmation from God that led me forward faster than I would have moved otherwise. I leapt because I trusted the inspired feeling that Chris and I could create an amazing love together.

On this side of the altar, I’ve got to tell you, I am in AWE of the fulfillment of God’s promise. It’s as if my Father in heaven made this man especially for me – in every way imaginable. The more I’m with Chris, the more I see the wisdom and wonder in God’s selection.

I never, ever would have thought to ask for the beautiful, blissful things that this man has brought into my life. I had NO CLUE they were an option. I didn’t know men like Chris existed!

The entire experience has me pondering the question,

What else do you have in mind for me, Lord? Bring me the customers you feel would be most blessed by me and me by them. Bring me the projects and work You think would make me happiest. Maybe You have a better place for me to live? Bring it on. Maybe You have a better career path. I’m open to it. What else do You have in mind to bring me joy?”

What if my tenacity in hanging onto what IS or what I think SHOULD BE is getting in the way of the AMAZING things God wants to bring me?

I keep thinking of this verse:

Now unto him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, unto him be glory … by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

I’m ready to get out of the way and let His power work in me. What do You have in mind to WOW me next, Father? All glory be to Thee!

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

boundaries make us feel safe

Quest for Love: The Beauty of Boundaries

There’s something I’ve noticed as I go out on dates with my fiancé. We’ll be shopping or at a restaurant and people are always coming up to him and greeting him. He’s worked at several schools in the area as a School Resource Officer and so he knows tons of people.

What I’ve noticed is there are some young people who want to linger around him longer. Invariably when these young people walk away Chris will say something like, “Boy, that kid did some dumb things last year.”

It’s like the kids who got in the most trouble are the ones that love him best. How can this be? Why would it be? Shouldn’t they be the ones who would like him least? You would think so.

boundaries make us feel safeI believe there are a few things at play here.

  • First, they sense he truly cares about them. He wants them to have a better life. Even though he’s firm, he radiates love and kindness. A lot of these kids just don’t get that anywhere else.
  • Second, people respect people who respect themselves and others.
  • Third, Chris shows teens were the boundaries are. They know where they stand with him. He is very clear about what acceptable behavior is and what is not.

Most of the kids that get in trouble do not have someone in their lives to show them where the boundaries are. Whether teens admit it or not, boundaries make them feel safe and secure. Solid boundaries breed respect and show you that someone cares about what happens to you.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with boundaries. I’ve felt like holding to them makes me come across as mean or unfeeling. I haven’t wanted to make someone else unhappy by saying “no” or not accommodating their wishes. Many times, I’ve made my feelings and needs subservient to what someone else wants or demands.

In the end, I’ve enabled other people to not only run over me, but also I have enabled them to be less than their best selves. My marriage disintegrated partly because I wasn’t willing to say, “This behavior is unacceptable.” I voted with my silence for behavior that eventually transformed into bad habits that didn’t serve either of us.

The more I get to know Chris, the more thrilled I am to have someone in my life who knows how to lovingly set clear boundaries. He’s a great role model for me and my children. Just one of the many blessings of having him in my life.

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

lead with what you believe

Quest for Love: Lead With What You Believe

As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, I learned that first and foremost, I needed to be true to me. So, with greater resolve, I dusted myself off and tried the dating thing one more time.

I’d learned the hard way that shared core values are critical to a good relationship. So, I edited my online dating profiles to lead with what I believed. I prefaced the following statements by saying I was looking for a man who believes what I believe.

lead with what you believeI believe…

  1. In being actively engaged in a good cause & proactively doing my part to make the world a better place.
  2. In looking for the good, hoping for the best, & going for the ideal. Yes, you may fall flat. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, & keep going. There’s another try around the corner.
  3. That God loves us and that Jesus Christ is our merciful, loving Savior who will heal all our scars if we let Him. The only real mistake is letting go of Him.
  4. Honesty & integrity are vital. Relationships only work where there is trust.
  5. Anything is possible when you know what you want, why you want it, and are willing to commit to it and take inspired action.
  6. Work isn’t only necessary, but can also be beautiful, fun and rewarding.
  7. Physical intimacy should be reserved for marriage, & thoroughly enjoyed within it.
  8. People aren’t all good or all bad. When we look for the good & expect it in others, they tend to rise to the occasion. (They also tend to fall to our low expectations.)
  9. You get better results from praise and acknowledgement than nagging and negativity.
  10. We need less government, more personal responsibility, and with God’s help a better world.
  11. In letting other people be themselves. I thrive best around people who give me the space to be me, and I enjoy watching other people thrive too.
  12. In being kind, grateful, expressing acknowledgement & responsiveness.
  13. That true intimacy is built on love, caring, trust, respect, connection and commitment.

After a few weeks of dating Chris, he told me what stood out to him in my profile was #7. He said he saw that and knew he’d found a woman of value. He was tired of women who threw themselves at men. He was looking for a quality woman who shared his core values. He wanted “something real.”

What a refreshing change! Finally, a chivalrous man who honors womanhood, protects my virtue, and accepts me as I am. He is brave, honest, and genuine. What you see is what you get. What I see is someone who genuinely cares for people, is kind, friendly, makes the world a better place, and has a BIG heart. No wonder he stole my heart!

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

love yourself first

Quest for Love: To Thine Own Self Be True

I hesitated to share this part of my story with you because it requires being more vulnerable than I wanted to be.

As this blog came to me in the night, I asked, “Really? You want me to share this? I don’t think I can do that.”

“Just write and see what comes,” came the reply.

Since you’re seeing it posted, it means writing it somehow allowed me to share the weakest point of my life with you in a way that I could stomach. So here goes…

Of all the men I dated, there was one who stole my heart instantly. We were drawn to each other like two mega-strong magnets. Within weeks we were talking marriage and a possible elopement. We connected on so many levels, and the chemistry was instant and intense.  I was convinced he was “my SAM.”

The only fly in the ointment was he was struggling with his faith. He hadn’t been to church in some time and didn’t know if he believed what we’d been taught anymore.

He said he still believed in God, just not all the rules. I’ve had friends, very good people, who have traveled that path. So I had compassion for him and felt he just needed some time to find his way.

With an immense amount of hormones and dopamine coursing through my veins I prayed about marrying this man and felt as if it was my choice and his. I pressed for a clearer answer and felt like I heard God say, “Love him back to me.”

I proceeded forward. The deeper we got into the relationship, the less clearly I could discern truth from error.

At one point, this man encountered a stressful challenge in his career. I observed that while under this level of stress, he was not a happy or positive person. It also became clear that not only was he questioning his religious beliefs, but also his entire faith in God hung by a thread.

Without his faith, his ability to gracefully cope with stress was minimal, and it began to adversely affect our relationship.

I had a choice to make. Did I proceed with someone who did not share my values, hoping he’d come around? Or did I walk away? I couldn’t bring myself to end the relationship. The magnet was just too strong. So I kept going forward, thinking I could somehow, “Love him back to God.”

Eventually, I came to a point where I questioned my own beliefs. Could I tweak my conscience to believe in an “anything goes, do-whatever-feels-good God?” It became clear if I were to continue a relationship with this man, I would have to choose that God.

My heart was splitting in two.

I was so crazy about this man that for two months I debated about whether the values and morals I’d been raised with were really necessary. I’m ashamed to admit I nearly abandoned my core fundamental values. Yet I believe everyone probably comes to a point where they have to consciously choose.

In the end, it was probably my children who saved me. I knew I had to stay strong for them.

I’m a big Star Trek fan, and there’s a scene from the First Contact movie that typifies my dilemma so well. Data (an android with no emotions) is kidnapped by the Borg Queen. She offers him a chance to have what he’s always wanted – the opportunity to feel human. She activates his emotion chip and implants human skin on his body. For the first time Data knows what it’s like to feel mortal, sensual even.

While the crew evacuates, Captain Picard stays behind to save his friend. In the process he too is captured by the Borg Queen.

In a touch-and-go moment, we wonder if Data has sold out to the Borg Queen by becoming her mate. He seems to be going along with her plan. At the last second, Data rescues the crew and releases Picard. After the rescue, Picard asks Data about the Borg Queen. Here’s the exchange:

Lieutenant Commander Data: [about the Borg Queen] She brought me closer to humanity than I ever thought possible. And for a time, I was tempted by her offer.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How long a time?

Lieutenant Commander Data: 0.68 seconds sir. For an android, that is nearly an eternity.

I could say the same thing about the man I dated as Data said about the Borg Queen. He brought me closer to my humanity, my emotions, and my desire for connectedness than I ever thought possible. And for a time, I was tempted by his offer.

It was only for a short time, but for me it felt like an eternity.

In the end, the choice became crystal clear. I could not keep straddling two worlds. I either had to choose this man and walk away from my values and morals. Or I could walk away from the man and choose to remain true to my integrity and to the God I’ve come to know and love.

God won. My integrity won, but not without battle scars inflicted on my heart and soul.

For a long time I felt like God betrayed me with his answer to, “Love him back to me.”  After much prayer and contemplation (without hormones and dopamine coursing through my veins), I have come to believe that answer was not from God. It was either my own imagination or came from another source.

I do not believe it’s my job to love anyone back to God. It’s God’s job to save, not mine. My role is simply to love.

The first person I must love is me. I need to love myself enough to hold to my own integrity. If I betray myself, I certainly cannot love another rightly. As my friend Judy Hansen says, “Be the love.” What another person chooses to do with that love is entirely up to them.

Through it all, I’m learning that Jesus Christ heals hearts. He wears His scars so I don’t have to suffer with mine.

This experience changed the way I selected men. I created and began listening to my affirmations about men and money after this. I also changed the way I crafted my online dating profile. I’ll share more about that tomorrow.

love yourself first

About Marnie Marcus

Marnie (Pehrson) Marcus is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.