own your own power... say no

Is Your Inability to Say No Making You Sick, Tired or Broke?

One of the hardest things for many women to do is to say no. As wives, mothers and friends, we live much of our lives as caregivers. As a result, we begin to think other people’s wishes must take precedence over our own.

We’ve often heard that we need to say “No” more. If we don’t, we’ll end up sick, tired, or broke because we aren’t taking care of ourselves. But it goes beyond the usual self-care advice. I’d like to explore how being sick, tired or broke is actually serving you on some level and what you can do about it.

As Long As You Have a Good Excuse

Many people take on projects and tasks that are out of alignment with who they are and what they are here to do because they don’t know how to say, “No.” Many of us take on too much and wear ourselves out, sacrificing our health and peace of mind on the altar of having to say “Yes” to more than we can adequately manage.

When that becomes more than we can bear, we shift to excuses-making. After all, you need a good excuse to say, “No” – right? Most of us feel we do. If we don’t have a “good enough excuse,” there’s guilt.  Guilt can be so uncomfortable our minds search for a way out.

Growing up, if I or one of my siblings made an excuse for why we couldn’t do something, my dad would say, “Well, as long as you have a good excuse.”

He wanted us to understand that we were making excuses. We were searching for a way out. He wanted us to be aware we were only fooling ourselves with our excuses. Did we really need the excuse?

Often, people who have a hard time saying “No” end up in these types of situations:

Leading incredibly busy lives which become unbalanced. Busy-ness becomes the excuse that justifies why we can’t do one more thing.

For many years, I was a workaholic. I used my busy-ness as a badge of honor. I derived my value from my busy-ness. It also gave me an excuse to get out of doing things I didn’t want to do. I was too chicken to say, “No,” so I just stayed busy with things I’d rather be doing.

Becoming sick. Bodies often become sick in order to give us a guilt-free excuse to say, “No.” I’ve worked with several clients who discovered that their illnesses were actually serving them. Being sick gave them an excuse to decline other people’s demands or to get out of doing things they were scared to do. These were real, legitimate illnesses, certainly not in their minds, but their bodies were trying to speak to them and get their attention through dis-ease.

This is especially common when there are other people in one’s life who will not take “No” for an answer. People who are prone to manipulating, guilt-tripping, and nagging often make others feel trapped. The person who is being manipulated actually becomes sick because there seems to be no other viable “excuse” that the manipulator will accept.

Of course, there are a myriad of reasons for illnesses. This is just one to consider.

Having money problems. If you have money problems, you can use, “I have to work” or “I don’t have the money for that” as excuses not to do what you are too afraid, lazy or scared to do.

For example, it might be that you don’t know how to say “No” to your children, and you’re afraid of spoiling them if you buy them too much. Your subconscious mind might work around those tough conversations and boundary-setting by making sure you have little spending money.

Who Owns Your Power?

Bottom line, the root issue is that we are abdicating our personal power to other people. When we get tired of abdicating our power to other people, we shift to advocating it to the excuse.  The excuse takes over our lives. We become overwhelmed, sick or money-strapped.

The solution is simple… we take back responsibility for our own choices. We understand that we are the creators of our own lives. Each person has the freedom to choose how he or she will spend time, money, resources and energy. We have a God-given right to do that, and we owe no one an excuse.

Our wishes, feelings, and needs are every bit as important as anyone else’s. If you do not take care of yourself, certainly no one else will.

The Price You Pay for Excuses

When you give over your power to the excuse, you can’t do what you are on this planet to do. Your energy, health, time and money is sucked down the black hole of the excuse. There’s nothing left for your divine purpose.  On top of that, you’re miserable.

Have an Honest Conversation with Yourself

If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, I recommend the following activity.

Obviously, these challenges are very real for you. You probably didn’t even know why they were happening until now. It’s not like you consciously set out to make yourself sick or miserable. But there is some self-preserving part of you that is trying to protect you. It’s time to have a conversation with that part of yourself. Here are the steps for doing that.

First, admit that you are using health challenges, busyness, or money issues as an excuse to get out of what you don’t want to do. Really absorb and see that you are doing this. What are you trying to get out of?  Why are you trying to get out of it? Are you afraid? Are you scared to have tough conversations with others? Do you have inaccurate beliefs about what is possible for you?

Second, thank the part of yourself that has been trying to rescue you. Thank it for the health, money or busyness issues.  There is a part of you that is trying to help you say, “No.” Thank this part of yourself that understands you haven’t been setting clear boundaries with yourself and others. Ask it to forgive you for not taking better care of yourself and not standing in your power.

Tell it that you forgive it for making you tired, sick and/or broke and that you understand now that it was trying to protect you. Thank it for getting your attention and bringing you to the point where you have the courage to own your own power.

Third, commit to growing a spine and saying “No” without guilt, without excuse. If you don’t want to do something, you have every right to say “No”… And you don’t owe a soul an explanation why.

Fourth, make a commitment to honor yourself and set clear boundaries about what you will and won’t do.

Fifth, strike a deal with yourself. Continue the conversation with your self-preserving side. Work out a win-win solution.

You might say something like this,

“Thank you for giving me health challenges so that I would have a guilt-free excuse to say ‘No’ to things I didn’t want to do or that felt unsafe. I appreciate you trying to protect me. Please forgive me for not setting and honoring clear boundaries with myself and others.

I now see that I don’t need to be sick anymore just to have an excuse. I have a right to say ‘No.’ From now on, I’m going to stand up for myself. Thank you for the health issues. Obviously, I don’t need them anymore because I hereby commit to set clear boundaries and honor and value myself by sticking to them. Thank you. Let’s please work together toward a healthier, better way of living.”

Sixth, clean out any victim energy, past trauma, unhealthy habits, or unproductive guilt using energy techniques. Personally, I use the SimplyHealed Method™ to quickly and painlessly get down to root issues and release them. I’ve used these techniques since 2011, with both myself and my clients. It’s powerful in bringing you peace, hope and the courage to take control of your own life. (Learn more here.)

Remember: Change is good! And it’s okay to ask for help. As you do these steps and as you take care of yourself, you’ll begin to create a more abundant life. You’ll begin to realize your full potential.

Featured Image Copyright: Tuzenko / BigStockPhoto.com

About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

self sacrifice - ayn rand

Thrive Again: Recognize Whether You’re Being Used

In relationships, there are often those who feel entitled (USERS) and those who are so kind-hearted they have no clear boundaries and don’t know how to say “no.”

People who are lazy and feel the world owes them something tend to select relationship partners who are kind-hearted, hard-working, giving and boundary-less (OVER-PRODUCERS). In the end, the USER becomes helplessly enabled and the OVER-PRODUCER ends up used, crushed, and depleted.

Should an Over-Producer decide to break free of the abusive dynamic, the User will employ a variety of manipulative tactics — including guilt tripping the person they’re sucking dry, lying, shifting blame, making excuses, deflecting people’s focus off of them, and even violence (click here to learn more about their manipulative tactics).

What’s True for Individuals Is True of Nations

atlas shruggedThe same dynamic is going on at a national and global level. The Users are draining the Over-Producers dry. And if anyone dares say the Over-Producers are being used and should set boundaries that protect them from abuse, then the Users call them names, accuse them of phobias, racism, cruelty and a myriad of other “politically incorrect” vices.

Let’s face it, no tick wants to be removed from its host. It will always burrow in deeper when threatened with removal.

The sad part is when other kind-hearted (yet naive) Over-Producers haven’t awakened to the fact that they’re being used, and fight their fellow producers.

One of my favorite books on this subject is Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. It’s definitely worth the read if you struggle with being an Over-Producer. It changed my life, awakened me to how I was enabling others, and reading it was the first step to my recovery.

“If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders – What would you tell him?”

I…don’t know. What…could he do? What would you tell him?”

To shrug.”

Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.

It’s time for America to Shrug! Is it time for you to shrug too?


About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

Joy Is One’s Fuel

I’ve been reading Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged: (Centennial Edition) and am enjoying it very much. I can relate in many ways with the heroine of the story, Dagney Taggart. Dagney’s a workaholic. At the end of a particular long day, she steps outside, exhausted and looking for something to refuel her.

Her work was all she had or wanted. But there were times, like tonight, when she felt that sudden, peculiar emptiness, which was not emptiness, but silence, not despair, but immobility, as if nothing within her were destroyed, but everything stood still. Then she felt the wish to find a moment’s joy outside, the wish to be held as a passive spectator by some work or sight of greatness. Not to make it, she thought, but to respond; not to create, but to admire. I need it to let me go on, she thought, because joy is one’s fuel.

She had always been — she closed her eyes with a faint smile of amusement and pain — the motive power of her own happiness. For once, she wanted to feel herself carried by the power of someone else’s achievement. As men on a dark prairie liked to see the lighted windows of a train going past, her achievement, the sight of power and purpose that gave them reassurance in the midst of empty miles and night — so she wanted to feel it for a moment, a brief greeting, a single glimpse, just to wave her arm and say: Someone is going somewhere…”

I love that passage because I can relate to Dagney. I find immense joy and happiness in my work, but there’s something magical in watching someone else succeed, observing another’s creations, knowing there is majesty elsewhere on the planet. I think that’s why I love promoting people so much and why nature is the air I breathe.

About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

National Survey Reveals Genders DRASTICALLY Clash Over How They Would Spend More Free Time

I got a chuckle out of this press release that was sent to me today…

Men head to the bedroom for fun, women for sleep!

(February 22, 2012) – The bedroom is the first place both men and women would go if they had more free time in a day. The catch – men go there for sex, women for sleep!

In a survey, Great Clips, the first ever hair salon brand to introduce time saving online check-in, asked 316 Americans how they would spend 15 minutes of more time in a day. (15 minutes is important to Great Clips because Online Check-in has trimmed average haircut wait times by 15 minutes to five minutes or less, giving customers 15 more minutes of time in a day.)

1.  Survey recipients were given a list of options and asked to choose what they would do with 15 minutes of extra time in a day.

THE #1 CHOICE FOR MOST WOMEN IS SLEEP (Ranked #1 by nearly 1 in 4 women, 24%)


  • Most Often Ranked in The Top 5 were Sleep, Clean (organizing closets, dust baseboards, mop floors), Read, Watch TV and Exercise.
  • Have Sex was lower on the list after Sit There and Do Nothing with No Disturbances and Cook.


THE #1 CHOICE FOR MOST MEN IS HAVE SEX (Ranked #1 by 28% of men)


  • Most Often Ranked in the Top 5 were Have Sex, Sleep, Listen to Music, Exercise, Sit There and Do Nothing with No Disturbances


2.    When survey recipients were given a list and asked to rank the 3 most annoying time wasters of their spouses/significant others:


THE #1 CHOICE FOR WOMEN as the most annoying time waster of their spouse/significant other is PLAY VIDEO GAMES


Most often Ranked as the Top Choice is Play Video Games, Work Too Much and Do Nothing (Tie) and Zone in front of the TV


THE #1 CHOICE FOR MEN as the most annoying time waster of their spouse/significant other is PRIMP AND GET READY   


Most often Ranked as the Top Choice is Primp and Get Ready, Complain/Whine/Stress, and Stare at a Closet Full of Clothes and Whine “I have nothing to wear.”


3.  When Both Men and Women were asked to rank the Most Annoying Time Waster in Your Own Life?


Most often ranked as the Top Choices:

#1) Being Placed on Hold
#2) Waiting In Line
#3) Traffic


4.  When both men and women were asked What Do You Want More of? and asked to pick one from Time, Money, Sleep, Exercise and Sex:


Respondents Chose:

#1) Money (70%)
#2) Time (13%)
#3) Sleep (9%)
#4) Exercise (8%)
#5) Sex (0%)

“In all our research, in focus group after focus group, we heard that today’s busy families are stressed out, exhausted and short on time – and today time is money,” says Rhoda Olsen, CEO of Great Clips. “We had to figure out a way to cut wait times and give our customers more free time to have fun and do the things they love to do. Online check-in allows people to check in from their desks or from their smart phones so when they get to the salon they have little or no wait and have more time.”

Other survey findings:

  • 87% of respondents say they would use a technology that kept them from waiting in lines at retail stores if it saved them 15 minutes waiting for an appointment.
  • When a retail business makes them wait more than 15 minutes:
  • 63% say it shows bad customer service and a lack of respect for their time
  • 52% of respondents say they don’t go back and take their business elsewhere
  • 48% say they assume the business is poorly managed
  • Only 19% say they get annoyed with the people in line with them.
  • 9 out of 10 respondents (93%) said a reasonable amount of time to wait at a retail business is 5 – 10 minutes or less.
  • 2 out of 3 respondents say they would use a check-in or download app that saved their place in line at a retail business.


*This online survey was done by a third party, commissioned by Great Clips Online Check- In.
*The survey included 316 respondents, 172 female and 144 male (ages 30 -55). Full survey data available upon request.


About Great Clips’ Online Check-In
Great Clips’ Online Check-In feature is powered by ICS Net Check In™, a patent-pending, internet-based technology platform developed by Innovative Computer Software. Online Check-in allows customers to remotely log in from a computer or smart phone and view the estimated wait time at surrounding salons. Consumers can click the “check in” icon to add their name to the list at the Great Clips salon of their choice, and by the time they arrive they are likely next or almost next in line – saving precious time they might have spent waiting in the lobby for their haircut.

Great Clips, Inc. was established in 1982 in Minneapolis.  Today, Great Clips has nearly 3,000 salons throughout the United States and Canada, making it the world’s largest salon brand. Great Clips salons employ nearly 25,000 stylists who receive ongoing training to learn advanced skills and the latest trends. Make Great Clips your choice for value-priced, high-quality hair care for men, women and children. No appointments needed, and salons are open nights and weekends. For more information about Great Clips, Inc. or to find a location near you, visit www.greatclips.com.

About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

Are Humans Any Smarter than Monkeys?

I ran across this story in an article by Spencer W. Kimball and thought it compelling:

“I am reminded of an article I read some years ago about a group of men who had gone to the jungles to capture monkeys. They tried a number of different things to catch the monkeys, including nets. But finding that the nets could injure such small creatures, they finally came upon an ingenious solution. They built a large number of small boxes, and in the top of each, they bored a hole just large enough for a monkey to get his hand into. They then set these boxes out under the trees and in each one they put a nut that the monkeys were particularly fond of.

When the men left, the monkeys began to come down from the trees and examine the boxes. Finding that there were nuts to be had, they reached into the boxes to get them. But when a monkey would try to withdraw his hand with the nut, he could not get his hand out of the box because his little fist, with the nut inside, was now too large.

At about this time, the men would come out of the underbrush and converge on the monkeys. And here is the curious thing: When the monkeys saw the men coming, they would shriek and scramble about with the thought of escaping; but as easy as it would have been, they would not let go of the nut so that they could withdraw their hands from the boxes and thus escape. The men captured them easily.”

It made me think. What objects, old beliefs, habit patterns, or aspirations am I holding onto that I should release in order to maintain my freedom? What do I focus on so much I put my freedom in jeopardy? Ever thought about that?

* Spencer W. Kimball, “The False Gods We Worship,” August 1977 Enisgn

About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

Periodic Rests Increase Your Bottom Line

You’ve probably heard me say before that I’m a recovering workaholic. That’s why when I see a great article like this one explaining the brain science behind why taking time to rest actually improves your productivity and eventually your bottom line, I can’t resist passing it along … Understanding How Tiredness and Self-Control Are Mistaken for Resistance.

I can vouch for the fact that taking time to rest helps you accomplish more and eventually make more money.

About Marnie Pehrson

Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

Workaholism Defined

Workaholic: “One who has a compulsive and unrelenting need to work.”

You might be a workaholic if…

    • You’d rather work than spend time with your family.
    • You work on weekends and vacations.
    • You work more than 40 hours a week.
    • You’d rather talk about work than anything else.
    • When someone asks you how you’re doing, you proudly answer “staying busy.”
    • Working interferes with your relationships.
    • While others are enjoying leisure hours, you’re working.
    • While you’re taking time off, you’re thinking about work.
    • Work is your play.
    • During your time off you find yourself problem-solving or brainstorming work solutions.
    • You may get frustrated with other people who don’t make work a priority.
    • You feel guilty if you’re not doing something productive.
    • You quit engaging in hobbies you used to enjoy because they aren’t practical or don’t make you money.
    • You get irritated when people ask you to stop working to do something else.
    • You have a tendency to work or read through meals.
    • You feel like if a job is to be done right, you should do it yourself.

      I’ve been hesitant to discuss the negative effects of workaholism because there are some people who will use my words to justify their inactivity. But I’m assuming if you’re reading this blog you aren’t a lazy person looking for an excuse to do nothing.

      Another reason I’ve been hesitant to discuss the negative effects of workaholism is that there are so many perceived positive side effects like:

      • Getting a lot done
      • Making a positive impact on the world around you.
      • Making money.

      But, I have come to realize that workaholics don’t really make as much money as they could make. Nor do they make the positive impact on the world that they could be making. And frankly, they aren’t as productive as they think they are.


      Because the fundamental driving force behind most workaholics is the need for control. Workaholics tend to believe “if it is to be, it’s up to me.” This Lone Ranger thinking is crippling, and often leads to . . .

      • An inability or unwillingness to delegate.
      • An inability or unwillingness to draw on a Higher Power.
      • Burn-out and myopia amidst the minutia.
      • Failure to see the big picture and solutions that are right in front of your face.

      The workaholic may erroneously equate busyness with

      • productivity
      • righteousness
      • value as a human being

      In The Greatest Salesman in the World, Og Mandino warned against being “busy with unimportant tasks.”  Much of what the workaholic does is not productive. It’s simply staying busy with unimportant tasks.

      I would like to emphasize that I am not diminishing the value of work. A good work ethic is to be applauded, but workaholism takes work ethic to an extreme. A workaholic is trying to control her world; and in over-doing this need for control, she actually hurts herself, others and her pocketbook.

      Over the last 10 years as I’ve reduced my work load, delegated, automated and taken time for myself, I’ve been able to make more in a month than most people do in a year. It is a fallacy that making money requires constant and continuous work.  Granted, one could say that many years of hard work sowed the harvest that I reap today. But, much of that work was unnecessary and inefficient. Rather the key to my success could be reduced to

      • Consistent, persistent effort over time — by myself and my staff.
      • Attunement to inspiration and acting swiftly to make small but effectual tweaks in what I was doing.

      More often than not, the greatest results have come from small inspired shifts, not from massive undertakings.

      About Marnie Pehrson

      Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

      Work at Home Moms, Stop Beating Yourselves Up

      The highly creative work at home mom tends to go through a cycle where she can get lost in the creative flow and suddenly wake up to discover her children have been living on cold cereal and sandwiches and the house is in disarray. Guilt sets in and she feels like a crappy mother. In reality, she’s an intensely creative individual experiencing natural phases to the creative process.

      When you understand the process and what phase you’re in, you’ll go easier on yourself and set up systems to help you through each phase. The following video talks about the different phases of the creative process. Understand yourself better and let go of the guilt!

      About Marnie Pehrson

      Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

      Dangers of the Full Court Press

      Anyone who has had a child in recreation league basketball has seen the mad frenzy that happens in the last couple minutes of every ball game. Whether one team is far ahead or whether the game is tight, there is this full court press that little league coaches tend to have the children do. The crowd cheers louder and the game gets sloppier by the second.

      As the clock ticks down, more mistakes are made and poor judgment abounds. Yesterday, I watched this happen in my son’s ball game. His team was down by about 6 points, and the opposing team started pressing. In the frenzy, the competition made sloppy mistakes and unnecessary fouls, and my son’s team ended up coming back from behind and winning the game by two points.

      I think a lot of us do the same thing in life when we feel like we’re running out of time. In our frenzied race with time we get sloppy. We make mistakes, experience undue pressure, and our judgment suffers. Things that would have turned out fine if we’d kept our cool can easily turn south.

      With the new year, I’m back working on some big goals after taking a couple months off to relax with the family. In that ramping up toward big goals — setting events on my calendar — also known as “deadlines” I feel that sense of anxiety swell in my chest. That race with time to get everything done by deadlines brings on a pressured feeling akin to what happens in the last minutes of a little league basketball game.

      It’s a visceral reaction really — something hard coded into my body. Logically, I know this feeling isn’t necessary. I’m not fighting a fire here. I’m not even behind and losing the game. If anything I’m winning, yet I have this hard-wired feeling that I need to go into full court press.

      As this sense of overwhelmed anxiety mounted, I found myself praying for help in quieting my nervous system. The answer came in a phrase, “Look to me in every thought. Doubt not. Fear not.”  Then the story from the Bible about Peter walking on the water came to mind. As long as Peter kept his eyes on the Master, he could walk on water. But the minute he started looking at the wind and waves swirling around him, he began to sink.

      It’s the same with us … as we keep our minds and thoughts focused on the Master, there’s a peace that comes, and we’re able to have faith necessary to “walk on water.” So, every time I start to feel that nervous panic … that fight or flight knee-jerk reaction in my nervous system … I picture the Lord telling me, “Look to me in every thought. Doubt not. Fear not.” As I do this, I am able to get clear on my next step. Then, one step at a time, I’m able to accomplish my objectives with clarity, focus and good judgment.

      Try it the next time you’re feeling that full court press feeling in your nervous system. It works!

      Btw, please join me at one of my upcoming live events, I’d love to meet you in person. 🙂 I’m offering two free ones in March – one in the Northwest Georgia area and another in the Knoxville, TN area.

      About Marnie Pehrson

      Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

      Are You Stuck in ‘Peace at Any Price?’

      “We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.” – Charlie Chaplain

      As a “Peacemaker” on the Enneagram Personality scale, I’ve lived most of my life by the unspoken mantra, “peace at any price.” If I thought expressing my feelings would make someone upset or rock the boat, I kept them to myself. If I thought what I had to say could be construed as nagging or argumentative, I said nothing.

      You know that old saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” That was me. I’m not saying I never said anything bad, never blew my stack or got angry. On the contrary, I’m the master at bottling up my emotions so long they erupt like Mt. Vesuvius.

      Besides blowing up in odd moments when the last straw is added to the camel’s back, there are other problems associated with the peace at any price operating system:

      1) You lose touch with your feelings.

      If you push down your emotions long enough, eventually you’ll have trouble articulating what you’re feeling. For me, I stopped trusting my heart and what it was telling me about my relationships. One of my favorite books is Karol Truman’s Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.” The premise of the book is that when we repress our feelings and do not adequately address them, they get our attention through physical ailments. Repressed emotions will get your attention one way or another.

      2) You train people to treat you disrespectfully.

      Because you don’t tell people how you feel as you go along, your silence tells them it’s okay to treat you however they feel like treating you. You’re, in essence, rewarding their disrespect. If you want people to use and manipulate you, then keep on bottling up your feelings and don’t let others know how their negative behavior is affecting you.

      I’ve spent years

      • carrying loads other people should have shared,
      • feeling guilt I had no need to feel,
      • taking on everyone else’s responsibilities

      because I was too afraid to speak up! I’d rather do the work myself than risk the drama that could go along with demanding others do their part. I really can’t blame the people in my life because I never told them that I didn’t like things that way!

      Recently, all of this came to a head for me and it became crystal clear what I was doing — how my “peace at any price” led to communication problems in my relationships and workaholism in my life.

      Once I stepped back and saw my behavior patterns for what they were, I was done — no more playing that game. Things had to change, and they did. It was a very difficult period of my life, but I made it through the other side — largely thanks to a phenomenal energy healer, Rhonda Hess. Rhonda help me identify and eliminate the insecurities, fears, false beliefs, and destructive patterns that brought me to this point. Now, I’m done!

      • I’m done playing small in my relationships
      • I’m done letting other people use me.
      • I’m done carrying other people’s burdens and responsibilities.
      • I’m done letting others deflect their guilt onto me.
      • I’m done believing other people’s stinging words.
      • I’m done letting other people treat me with disrespect.
      • I’m done suppressing my thoughts and feelings for fear they will make someone else upset.
      • I’m done with “peace at any price.”

      In practical action steps, my relationships are changing. For example, my husband and I are communicating each evening about what went right that day and expressing gratitude to each other. We’re also opening up about what went wrong and where there’s need for improvement. We’re just saying it and not worrying about whether how we’re saying it is going to hurt the other person’s feelings.

      I’ve also become more aware in the moment. For example, I’m realizing when I could use help and asking for it. If something bothers me, I’m speaking up right then instead of bottling it up for an eruption six months later.

      I’m learning that a daily, consistent effort to communicate thoughts and feelings — whether they are negative or positive makes a dramatic difference. It actually increases love and unity — which is what I wanted all along, but misguidedly thought I had to keep my mouth shut to attain.

      Best of all I feel like I’ve been set free to be me. A few years back I wrote a book entitled: “You Can’t Fly If You’re Still Clutching the Dirt: How to Stop Worrying and Achieve Your God-Given Potential.” I realize now that the dirt I was clutching was all the bottled up emotions I never had the courage to express.

      If you’re like me and you have a tendency to bottle up your feelings and take on other people’s responsibilities to “keep the peace” then I have some affirmations that may help you. These are a few of the ones Rhonda Hess gave me, but they’re only the tip of the iceberg in how she helped me. I highly recommend a session with her. I never could have made it through this in a matter of 2-3 weeks without her help. She was a God-send.

      • I am totally comfortable in being me in my relationships.
      • I am supported and appreciated by my spouse (significant other)
      • I trust God will take care of the details.
      • I am living in the energy of joy.
      • I take in life fully.
      • I am peaceful and balanced.
      • I am clear.
      • I am free of family beliefs that limit my truth.
      • I have unlimited possibilities in myself and who I am.
      • I’m clearly open to direction in my life.
      • I trust my heart.
      • I’m clearly connected to my self-worth.
      • I’m connected to my heart and to God.
      • I believe in me.
      • I let go of the struggle.
      • I free myself from patterns that do not serve me.
      • I’m worthy and deserving.
      • Everyone around me loves and supports me.
      • I believe in who I am.
      • I feel more secure with myself every day.
      • I am emotionally strong and well-balanced.
      • I am at ease with myself and others around me.
      • I have patience with myself and others around me.
      • I am a secure, empowered, beautiful woman.
      • I let go of all negativity that rests in my body and mind.
      • I have the strength to remain calm in the face of my change that is starting today.
      • I set healthy boundaries. I have the courage to set and maintain these boundaries.
      • I give myself permission to move forward in my life in a positive direction.
      • I’m through playing small in my relationships.
      • I let go of fear of confrontation with others.
      • I let go of guilt.
      • It’s safe for me to live my life my way.
      • I am successful in all areas of my life.
      • I am worthy and deserving to feel great.
      • I can have confrontation without bringing in negative emotions.
      • I stand up for myself and speak with divine clarity.

      About Marnie Pehrson

      Marnie Pehrson is a best-selling author and marketing and social media consultant specializing in digital content creation and Facebook Ad Management. Get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.